Dear Fucking Bitch,

That's right I called you a fucking bitch. You cut me off to get in line at the drive thru at dunkin donuts this morning, and here are all the reasons why you are a fucking bitch:


1. I was there first. I pulled into that parking lot before you did, and was waiting patiently to pull into line. I let a taxi go before me because, well, I'm nice.

2. You pulled in after the taxi, and had stopped to text or fish around in your purse. You weren't going, and I otherwise would have let you go too but you were too busy dicking around to drive.

3. I pulled the nose of my car into the line, and gave you a little wave to let you know "hey, I was here first so I'm getting in line. How’s your morning been?" I believe I even smiled a bit, and that is no small task for me. You proceed to return my friendly gesture by throwing a hissy fit in your car.

4. Your car was a mini-cooper. That makes you an asshole automatically, but to make matters worse you used the smallness of your car to FUCKING CUT ME OFF!!??!! You pulled up so your driver's door was in front of the nose of my car. Wow, you're so awesome. You continued your hissy fit. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to not T-bone your car on purpose??



This is when I lost it. An ugly ginger bitch in a red minicooper was just a complete fucking dick to me, why? Because I would have been one car in front of her? Why not just a friendly gesture to say "hey, can I go?" or a point to your watch to say "I'm late so can I cut?" I had nothing but time this morning, and while I don't always look it I'm a nice person. I would have been happy to let you go if you weren't such a cunt about it.

But you weren't so now I think the following:

You're an ugly ginger cunt bitch. I hope your ugly ginger freckles are skin cancer, and I hope you die a slow horrible death from them. But not before an angry shark sodomizes you.

Hate,
The otherwise nice person you cut off today.



To the masses: If you see her please cut her off every chance you get. I'm sure god will thank you for it.

Dear KFC, Really?!

So, since the KFC and Taco Bell are one in the same in my area, and I had a craving for a chalupa and a diet soda the size of my arm yesterday, I had the distinct "pleasure" of discovering this little nugget of mind-blowing brain fuckery...

Ready for it?

Yes. Eat Breasts to save Breasts. Wow... Just wow...

When I'm about to order my carcenogen / hormone loaded chicken feast-o-shame I don't really need the image of tumors and chemo dancing in my brain. I just don't.

Also, pink chicken may have salmonilla. Cooking 101.

What a day.

So today, I got to teach a client how to resize her desktop. it went like this...

Me: ...and Voila, the icons are smaller now.
Her: Well now I can't read them.
Me: Well you only have 3 screen settings. This one, the large one you just had, and an even larger setting.
Her: What about the last time you were here?
Me: You mean when we wound up back at the middle setting?
Her: Yeah.
Me: That's the setting you didn't like.
Her: Well this is too small.
Me: But you think the other one is too lar.... You know what. I'm just going to put it back to where it was.
Her: That's PERFECT!
Me: *death gurgle*

So yeah...

Then I went to make a strawberry cheesecake for my coworker's birthday tomorrow. And this happened:

Yup. he ate the strawberries. awesome. Plain cheesecake it is, I guess.

Dear Blog,

Damn you, crockpot. Damn you.

So.... Got a crockpot for my birthday. It's a little bit of wonderful. Everything I've made have been tasty & delicious, but i am worried it's getting out of hand.  Today I considered making breakfast in it. Yup. Crockpot Breakfast. I've gone too far. Breakfast is so easy to make. It never takes a long time. But I've decided I am too lazy to scramble eggs at 7:30, so why don't I just do it tonight and let mr. crockpot do all the work for me....

Did I also mention I got a Kcup Machine for my birthday? It's love.

Am I crazy? I can't tell anymore.

Here is a list of projects I've attempted to start and have yet to finish.

1. Learn Japanese.
2. Read all of grimm's fairy tales.
3. Learn to play piano.
4. Watch Lost.
5. A paint by numbers of puppies and flowers. I didn't make this one up. I promise.
6. Fold my laundry (this epic battle has been on-going for about 10 years)
7. Throw away some of my junk.
8. Write amusing blogs.
9. Sew pretty dresses.

None of these are finished but plenty of money has been spent on the quest.

Which brings me to my next point... Am I a hoarder? The boyfriend is making me go through some old bins of clothing and stuff and throw out shit I don't need. Apparently at some point I thought it was important, but what the hell did I need with a half finished velvet coloring poster, dead batteries, and a pokemon pencil topper, not to mention clothing I'll never ever fit into again ever.

At some point I decided i needed those things enough to put them in a smelly plastic tote so I could go through them and ponder my own sanity. A broken candle in the shape of a dragon and a dirty sock from 7+ years ago? Really? But I guess what I'm trying to say is... god I love cadbury creme eggs.

Dear The Oscars,

Who cares?

Answer: Not me.